Grateful for the pause

61A93698-6105-4D3C-B063-D70BC6A62868B6CCF4ED-9793-47BD-8EAC-062BB3906C02It’s raining.

no thunder.

All of the windows are fogged because of the AC, so I’m sitting on my front porch with the pups.

exhaling.

and now the rain is gone. It was just a short “storm” that I am grateful for. It was a gift, causing a moment of pause.

and now… a rainbow.

faint, but there.

 

 

 

 

and now… it too is gone. So easily missed had I not looked up.

now … as if in a “glass half empty/half full” moment… the sky is divided straight down the middle…

blue and clear on one side… cloudy and gray on the other.

symbolic messages all around me.

and as I sit here trying to process and enjoy it all, the dogs are pacing,circling, panting, and shaking.  Staring at me with fearful eyes.

Yesterday was the 4th of July and they were pretty traumatized. This rain to them means thunder and scary loud noises.

another lesson…

because of their past experiences they fear the present instead of seeing it for what it really is.  A nice quiet moment.

Years ago, in the midst of a full blown panic attack, I came up with a mantra to say over and over again to help pull myself out of the dark tunnel called fear.  The one where every possible bad thought imaginable is coming at me from all around, and my body is telling me to be ready for it all.

it is simply…

I can not fear, what is not here.

i use it still… to redirect my thoughts to focus on only the moment at hand.  And I’ve learned over the years that the “Moment” …

is always manageable.

 

and now… in an instant… it all has passed.

the storm, the rainbow, the calm and the fear.

the clouds are still lingering… but mostly I see beautiful Carolina blue sky…

it is brilliant,    And I am grateful for the pause.

What if…

What if I actually used this blog… what if I just wrote… without trying to impress?

What if I didn’t care about looking perfect to everyone who sees  this?

Are there others out there? Bloggers that are real?  That don’t spend hours writing and rewriting… hours making themselves look “perfect” … hours getting the perfect photo or video that are planned out and cropped perfectly so you don’t get the real world in the shot.

What if I revisited the idea of sharing myself completely as an exercise in trust in mankind… or of valuing myself just the way I am… to reveal the real side of life…. or best of all … attempting to appreciate every part of this big picture.

The beautiful… the mess…everything .72F8C44D-982A-4723-9A8F-6992B7141C45 The missed shot… the weird face… the wrinkles and age spots ?

What if we all shared the dirt on the floor and the weeds in our manicured lawns?

There, for certain, are times in life ,in order to survive, we have to crop out all the crap. Create ourselves a sort of narrow lense to find the beauty struggling to be seen.

But … when used too often, a whole other world is created… an ultra idealistic

and

fake world.

 

 

I don’t want to be fake.

What about you?