What I see

Sometimes I just look up from what I’m doing and am caught by the arrangement of the space I’m in.
This morning I find myself sequestered in the “art room” … aka the room I rarely use for art…

I’m in here hiding from the newly hired cleaning crew that will be coming once a week (Huge and difficult decision for me – but that’s another post to be made)  … hiding because the crazy dogs have to be sequestered,  so by default I do too or else they do things like chew up their bed for the 3rd time in a week.. or scratch the doors ,chew the baseboards,  or just bark continuously until my nerves are fried and  I let them out…

so~

I find myself in my little space surrounded by a lot of my favorite things this morning… Thank you God…

and I look up and just “See” what’s in front of me… instead of looking but not really appreciating the moment…. This moment….    I see.

I miss my Dad.

I miss what we had.

I miss what we had when I was little…

even though I really don’t remember,( or… as Arden used to say when she was little “bemember “ …which I’m pretty sure will be my next tattoo on my arm so that I can also “see” THAT daily) 

 but I know we had it… and Also…  I miss what we didn’t get a chance to have.

This little space… this little “ Vignette” of his handsome young man photo, his palette, Coast Guard cup filled with goods, his knife and his glasses, books and plants and a special handwritten note from his Mother to me from 30 years ago…
This is what I see … and it’s beautiful.

Last night He was on my mind so much and I was missing him in a little Janie way.  It’s strange how sometimes all the older years with him just fade away and I’m left with the feeling in my soul of just he and I and our connection when I was a child.

so~

I placed the photo of Little Janie ( on the back is written in my grandmother’s handwriting “ Our Janie” ) beside the younger Dad and It gave me comfort.

So much “life” got in between us …. you know????   Maybe … when we see each other again we will “see” each other that way.

I don’t know…

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