Countless times throughout my days here on our farm I realize I am actually living the dream. My dream. The one I’ve had for as long as I can remember. The one I worked for , and the one I’ve been gifted.
When I was a child, The only toys I remember really loving was the Fischer price animal barn…with the “Peoples”… and the animals. AND… my collection of plastic horses. I wanted a horse so badly. I wanted to live on a farm and raise animals and have pies in the open window and white sheets blowing on the clothesline…and horses grazing in the front pasture… you know … that romantic version of a beautiful country farm. That was my childhood dream.
The dream home would be filled with a kind and loving family. A husband and wife who truly loved and more importantly liked each other. There would be happy children and dogs, tire swings and a pond that the dogs would play in. Fruit trees, and vegetable gardens, berry patches….. CHICKENS! … can’t forget the chickens!
My reality …. was quite different. My reality consisted of a broken family. We were all broken in our own ways. Divorce, alcoholism, mental illness, ANGER, sadness, loneliness , fear… meanness, neglect, insecurity, jealousy , ignorance, fear….. always fear. In short, everything in complete opposition of Love. My only saving Grace was the gift of knowing there was the possibility of something different…something much better.
As an adult I worked incredibly hard at learning how to be different so that I could create my own better reality. I read countless books… did 12 steps…remembered God… entered into and removed myself from unhealthy situations , observed healthier people and families I met along the way… and studied my thoughts and feelings endlessly. Like I said… I did the WORK.
And NOWWWWW! Insert happy face…
I am here.
And every part of my being smiles. Paul and I have this beautiful creation… this masterpiece of a life. A little white farmhouse created in my fantasies , drawn and designed by my own two hands , built under my direction and paid for buy his incredible work ethic … A chicken coupe with baby chicks on their way… newly planted berry patches next to our tiny pond that we can’t keep our dogs out of… a tire swing and white sheets blowing in the winds… trees EVERYWHERE… and bright green pastures anxiously awaiting and calling for horses .
All this built by lonely nights, countless tears and many more mistakes. By book after book after book… by working two or three jobs at a time. By careful choices and promises made and kept. By sleepless nights and giving our hearts and souls to new lives and babies and soul mates.
I am … WE …are here.