Countless  times throughout my days here on our farm I realize I am actually living the dream. My dream. The one I’ve had for as long as I can remember. The one I worked for , and the one I’ve been gifted.

When I was a child, The only toys I remember really loving was the Fischer price animal barn…with the “Peoples”… and the animals.  AND… my collection of plastic horses.  I wanted a horse so badly. I wanted to live on a farm and raise animals and have pies in the open window and white sheets blowing on the clothesline…and horses grazing in the front pasture… you know … that romantic version of a beautiful country farm. That was my childhood dream.

The dream home would be filled with a kind and loving family.  A husband and wife who truly loved and more importantly liked each other.  There would be happy children and dogs, tire swings and a pond that the dogs would play in.  Fruit trees, and vegetable gardens,  berry patches….. CHICKENS! … can’t forget the chickens!

My reality …. was quite different.  My reality consisted of a broken family.  We were all broken in our own ways.  Divorce, alcoholism, mental illness,  ANGER,  sadness, loneliness  , fear… meanness, neglect, insecurity,  jealousy ,  ignorance,  fear….. always fear.   In short, everything in complete opposition of Love.  My only saving Grace was the gift of knowing there was the possibility of something different…something much better.

So~

As an adult I worked incredibly hard at learning how to be different so that I could create my own better reality.  I read countless books… did 12 steps…remembered God… entered into and removed myself from unhealthy situations , observed healthier people and families I met along the way… and studied my thoughts and feelings endlessly.  Like I said… I did the WORK. 

And NOWWWWW!  Insert happy face…

I am here.

And every part of my being smiles.  Paul and I have this beautiful creation… this masterpiece of a life.  A little white farmhouse created in my fantasies , drawn and designed by my own two hands , built under my direction and paid for buy his incredible work ethic …  A chicken coupe with baby chicks on their way… newly planted berry patches next to our tiny pond that we can’t keep our dogs out of… a tire swing and white sheets blowing in the winds… trees EVERYWHERE… and bright green pastures anxiously awaiting and calling for horses .

All this built by lonely nights, countless tears and many more mistakes.  By book after book after book… by working two or three jobs at a time. By careful choices and promises made and kept. By sleepless nights and giving our hearts and souls to new lives and babies and soul mates.

Here

I am … WE …are here.

at last.